How many times do your kids call you during the workday?
Be honest with yourself!
Why is your boss getting on your case about all these calls?
Because work interruptions are distracting!
Some intrusions at work can be a welcomed hiatus from the grind however constant distractions like your cell phone can lead to a decline in your work performance.
If you Google Resumption Lag you will find that there is research concluding that it can take up to 20- minutes to regain focus after an interruption in your work. In addition, the research also concludes that there is an increase in the number of errors associated with interruptions.
Is your cell phone constantly ringing while you are at work?
Although this article does specifically discuss how to get your kids to stop calling, I have had coworkers whose spouses, retired parents, and friends continuously call during the workday.
Early on in my relationship with my husband it used to be that I would get upset if he did not take my calls. Often, I felt he wasn’t giving me the attention that I wanted. His work entails a lot of detail-oriented planning and implementation that takes a lot of concentration and a degree of potential harm if he is not paying attention. It was better that we talked about it and agreed not to call each other during the workday.
For me, calls only seemed to come in when I was in a meeting or my boss happened to walk in the room. I could go hours, days even without a personal call but as soon as my supervisor walked in – ding – there goes my phone! Friends and family deserve our best and if we are curt on the phone with them because they are calling at a bad time or distracted, we cannot dedicate our attention to their needs.
You should have a conversation with the adults in your life so they understand and have the expectation and that it would be better overall if they waited until the end of the work shift.
Ok now let’s talk kids – they are the original intended topic!
∗The reality is, plenty of people with kids, whether they’re toddlers or teenagers, don’t get calls from their family while they’re at work.∗
Yes, there are emergency’s that dictate that you answer the call, but do not get into the routine of excusing the interruption of your work as an unavoidable necessity, because it’s not.
Plenty of people have jobs where they can’t be reached by phone during work hours at all and whatever the situation families handle it. (Of course, there are emergency situations that must be handled, and most employers will make sure protocol is in place so that you can be contacted if one should occur).
∗If you are in the mindset that if you have kids, you must answer their every call – It’s just the way it is. That is not the way it is and there are solutions to eliminating those calls.∗
We live in a world of immediate gratification. (Technology is partially to blame. Stores are open 24/7, 2-day delivery does not seem fast enough, we have on-demand tv, ever-increasing internet speeds, etc.)
Combine our culture’s growing expectations for immediate gratification along with the fact that the part of the brain that controls impulse is not fully developed until the early 20’s, kids can seem a bit selfish or inconsiderate.
We as adults and parents need to remember that kids are in a constant state of learning, growing, and developing. Everything is a teaching moment, including how to delay gratification.
How can you set your child up for success?
1. Manage Everyone’s Expectations.
• Start by managing your kids’ expectations. Be clear!
• Brainstorm and come up with specific scenarios.
• Use a lot of “What if” type questions and let them come up with the solution, then discuss.
• What are appropriate snacks?
• Can they go outside and play?
• Is tv / electronics time ok and for how long?
• Homework expectations.
A lot of kids struggle with schoolwork and may need attention during remote learning & homework time so perhaps schedule this for a time when you are available.
• Practice conflict resolution.
• Give a list of nearby neighbors that agree in advance to be available for your children if need be.
2. Visual Aids.
Once you have created the expectations write them out.
Be creative.
Use charts.
Role play.
3. Good behavior is a two-way street so remain calm.
Kids have short memories. It’s probably one of the reasons parents get frustrated when they have to repeat themselves over and over when explaining things.
• If the expectations get ignored – review them.
• What could be done different?
• Are they realistic or do they need to be tweaked?
• Remember – they should be clear as to what the consequences are for their actions.
• You also need to visit new situations as they arise so there is no room for misunderstandings.
4. Set a schedule.
Kids love schedules. They like knowing what’s supposed to happen now and what’s coming up next. Try taking advantage of that and create a daily schedule.
Coordinate your schedule with theirs. You may have a break at work from 3:00 – 3:30, but your kid could be attending a club meeting so it might not be a good time for them…respecting their schedule is just as important.
You could set a designated “interruption” time every day to check-in with each other.
5. Communicate with everyone.
Let your coworkers and boss know that you have kids and that although you are working on it, some interruptions are unavoidable. With consistency progress will be noticeably made but you need to keep everyone in your circle aware of the plan.
Let your workplace know that you have scheduled a set time to check-in with the family. Eventually these will not be necessary but while establishing this new routine you would appreciate a little lee weigh.
6. Praise them.
Applaud them for doing a good job and tell them you appreciate their efforts and that you are proud of them.
Problem solving and conflict resolution are a life-long learned behavior. When children learn to make decisions and these decisions have consequences (good and bad) they will develop good self-worth.
One of the better ways to build self-esteem is to help them become competent. Step back and let the child take risks, make choices and problem solve.
Confidence comes from doing, trying, failing, and trying again. Practice makes perfect.
Something to keep in mind while you and your family are adjusting to this new level of responsibility.
Once you have set the expectations, reviewed them, and left them to their own devices – do not undo a decision that they made if the result of the decision is acceptable.
It isn’t always about how they got there. The fact that they did is the goal.
For example: if your kid loads the dishwasher without being asked, don’t go behind them and reload it and tell them they did it wrong. If you do that, they will never take the initiative to do it again.
7. Practice makes perfect.
⇒This is huge. ⇒This takes commitment from both you and the kids. ⇒This is not an overnight solution.
This will take time. You will have good days and bad days. Praise the good days, and calmly discuss the bad days. Keep going!
